Then there's that damn switch making it go dark. At 12 hours ago, Jay wrote: Wow, I didn't even know there was an AVGN fan club here in on BBS! So, unless you still have the manual, let alone have the fucking game, you're not gonna know what the questions are. Here's a SNEAK PEAK of AVGN's "Mortal Kombat Rip-Offs"!! Okay, you're a hand tryin' to grab falling fish and throw 'em up into a floating basket. What other game could you say, “I just threw baby Moses in the water”. Well, that scratches that off the list. The Nerd: All right. (the Nerd just stares in shock) Oh, boy. Now, what's even stranger is how they attack you. Of course he's not gonna come near it! Leprosy? But, there's no way to get it back out. Many times, I accidentally pick false when I mean to pick true. Let's check it out. Yeah, right in the fuckin' nuts. Well, you spin the wheel, and you make some moves like any other board game, then you get to play all these weird mini-games, which sort of resembles an Atari game. I can't catch them, either. But you forgot..." (slight chuckle) ..."baby Moses." The Nerd: The only animals that have the balls to fight back are the pigs. Season 1, Episode 17 - Bible Games. Mike Matei has - and always will be - the true Angry Video Game Nerd. (Exclaims) This is so redundant! The Nerd: Welcome to another sacrilegious Christmas fuck-fest! The Nerd: What other first-person shooter game do you get to play as Noah? So don't get the snakes that you first see when you're walking around, go take a wild guess. The Nerd: Ugh, I just pushed that thing into the exit. Oh my fuck! By this time, I believe Nintendo was catching on to the fact that Wisdom Tree was making these Bible games for their system without their permission, so what I think happened was when Super Nintendo came out, they put a new lockout chip inside the system, which only allows games licensed by Nintendo to work. I'm not even sure exactly what the items are, but it pretty much means that you have to uncover every square. Maybe I'll review that ("Raid 2020") in the year 2020. I didn't forget him, I just didn't want him. The Nerd: Remember in Bible Adventures, there were three games, and one of which was Noah's Ark, that stupid shit where you're pickin' up stacks of animals, then of course, there's the infamous Super Noah's Ark 3D, the only unlicensed Super NES game, which happens to be a clone of Wolfenstein, where you're goin' around shooting goats. He knocked himself out with his own acorn. It doesn't even count as a rip-off. Download Avgn Desert Bus Transcript pdf. It's kinda like Mario Paint but really hard to control. Damn pig! The Nerd: For example, here we have Menace Beach (the Nerd holds up "Menace Beach" for the NES), which was turned into Sunday Funday. (the Nerd puts the games down) If I was God, I'd be pissed. Bible Games 2 - Angry Video Game Nerd - Episode 62, Kyle Justin: (to the tune of "Santa Claus Is Coming to Town"), ♪ He's playin' some games, the worst he recalls ♪, ♪ He's gonna find out which ones suck the most balls ♪, ♪ Oh, he's makin' a list, and checkin' it twice ♪, ♪ He's gonna go home and eat chicken and rice ♪, ♪ You'd better watch out, don't give these games a try ♪, ♪ You better not play 'em, he's tellin' you why, (the Nerd drinks a bottle of Rolling Rock). Quizzes: not fun! All the levels are exact duplicates, but what's really funny to know is that there's a story going around that ID, the company that made Wolfenstein and Doom, gave their own game to Wisdom Tree for them to turn it into this. It's one of the hardest I've ever played. (BUHHHHRRRRR) Baaaaaaahhhhhh. Damn! Fuck this game. I think they're supposed to be oil drums or something, but everything else is some kind of food, so I'm just going to call them “exploding pancakes”. Holy shit, I might actually make it...! The object's to get the animals in the ark. And you know what? The Nerd: They all have the same puzzle game, sing-along, all that. It seems you have to keep skating past people while tapping the button, and I've never figured out the right time. The Nerd: Oh, come on, get the damn switch! (normal voice) Seriously, that's the only explanation. The Nerd: Well, there's Noah. Yeah, you know what I'm talkin' about. They all look the same. What's the point of discussing the same game twice? By plugging an official Super Nintendo game into the top of it, it overrides the lockout chip and you can play it. (nagging lady voice) "Get your ass to Sunday School!" The Nerd: Anyway, let's go get some sheep. (the Nerd picks up the games that he's going to review in this episode) Like, who makes video games based off the Bible?! I guess false. Not even Chuck Norris. The titular Nerd character is an ill-tempered and foul-mouthed video game fanatic. The monkeys are also pretty damn annoying. That lion just fell flat on his ass. Like, why does everyone want him dead? The Nerd: Alright, Jesus and the Temple, last fuckin' game. The Nerd: Now, instead of this stripping chick, you get this annoying bitch who does nothing but nag you. James Rolfe's Animation Creations Wikipedia. Oh, okay, it's got some Bible verses thrown in. This one looks fun, right? There's more animals along the way, but you get the idea. It just looks invisible. Well, you're going around, carrying sheep. Well, that would be Mary. It's a little something to pass the time seeing as his last episode was Bible Games III. Not quite. (He lands on the bomb.) Well, just one, and it found a way. So, these are the real snakes you're supposed to get. However, if you go past him without the sheep, he doesn't give a shit. Aw, shit! What's this guy's problem? That's real nice! The Nerd: What is it, a robot? This is the main game. Well, according to Bible Adventures, that's how it happened. He would review Castlevania II: Simon's Quest. Seriously, your pointer just jumps all over the place. Not the ones in the trees. The Nerd: Some enemies you can only kill with bombs, and trying to get them stand near a bomb is ridiculously hard. It definitely has to do with food. Here, we see the squirrel throw an acorn. It's playable. Batman Returns Again 6. Power on, please wait 7 seconds between power on and power off"? You've robbed me, not only of my childhood, but my adulthood, too! You start out with three hearts for health, you hold two items, you go into a little cave and talk to someone. 3:23. Yeah, look at the face! I guess true. The Nerd: The last game's The Story of Samson. Potato chips and pizzas and... pork chops and bottles, watermelons, ice cream cones, ice cubes, and cans of like, soda coming out of a vending machine? Instead of shooting Nazis, he's shooting goats. Now as much as that's the dumbest idea I've ever heard for a game, what I don't understand is why that's so difficult. What the Hell am I playing? Challenge is one thing, but why does this game have to fuckin' trick me? You thought that was weird? The Nerd: Then there's the coloring book, and this is where things become really ass! If you jump through them, you fall in the water and die. ), (The Nerd puts the game on the Toploader, the camera zooms in to the title, then the Nerd plays it, and actually feels somewhat satisfied with the game. I hate those fuckin' springs! Oh! Episode 570 DVD/ VHS/ Laserdisc Collection 2016. It flat out explains what you're supposed to do. Not that anything is in place, but I don't know. I really hate those springs, all I'm trying to do is go down and to right but I can't make it! This one is a no-brainer. Yeah, Bible Buffet. Snix 13. Directed by James Rolfe. Next up, let's try... Noah's Ark? So, it's time to commit suicide. What does catching parachuting fish and throwing them up at an electric eel -- up at an electric eel -- have to do with the Bible? The problem is that initially, Matei was camera shy. Download Avgn Desert Bus Transcript doc. So, rather than returning you to the game where you left off, it puts you back at the beginning of the stage, which is fuckin' bullshit! They're only decoys. The Nerd: In the beginning, a game company called Wisdom Tree began producing unlicensed games for the NES. Basically, exactly what it says on the tin, we see how James goes about making a Nerd review. Yes, we can still serve you! Well, if you can't already tell what this game looks like, let me spell it out. “Angry Video Game Nerd: The Movie” is a passion project by independent filmmakers James Rolfe and Kevin Finn, based on the popular web series. I've got to do it! The first time playing this, I didn't even realize what was happening. The Nerd: Your attack is so pathetic. But let me give you a quick tour of the other stuff. Zelda. I really can't believe this game exists. So Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa, Happy Birthday Jesus, whatever. Like: "Oh, what do you do on a Sunday morning before church?" In 2004, James Rolfe finished college. Of course, he goes right past it. Go this way, go that way. What a shameless rip-off! Established in 2011 the website is focused on providing full guides and walkthroughs for best-selling video games. It's the same exact game. Let's recap, shall we? The Angry Video Game Nerd: You are cruel and miserable games. The Nerd: I hate those pigs. The current concept of AVGN being a crossover between comedy and infotainment fails at both. Or, fuck! Why didn't it bounce me? E.T. What the shit?! It looks more like a Game Genie. Oh, great! True or false? The Nerd: Oh my God, it's talking. Not that easy. (the Nerd dies yet again) Fuck!!! There's not really any more Bible games, or at least ones that actually qualify as games. The AVGN (or the Angry Video Game Nerd as his full name) is a reviewer that reviews video games. You're gonna get it. UGH! You're goin' in the ark. Why does a bird come out every time you kill someone? Why didn't they do that instead? The Nerd: Another real piss-off is that it keeps goin' dark. What the hell am I guessing? The Nerd: Listen to how cheerful the music is. I'm playing an NES game that says "Kill all babies"?! Ooh, got lucky there... (the Nerd gets sprung into a bottomless pit) I hate those fuckin' things, they're the worst! They're the first snakes you see in the game. A horse, a cow, and two oxen?! For his first Christmas review, the Nerd decides to review a few unlicensed Bible games for the NES and Super Nintendo. It has a game called Riddler's Race. The Nerd: Okay, let's try 4Him. (Some song lyrics appear on the screen, lighting up in time to the beat) What? But there's a bunch of people after you, and if they catch you, you have to answer a Bible riddle. He's laughing, he's got two bombs ready to blow, and... he walks away. He returned to his parents' home and came up with an idea. Ahayfordpresnell423. Let alone a horse and an ox? There's that square-shaped stairwell, and there's a raft. Sheepy, sheepy. The object is to bring four sheep to this blinking arrow to advance to the next level. I couldn't even come up with anything half as crazy if I tried. David and Goliath has this board game. Look at it, an old man climbing a tree chasing monkeys. When the special first released on ScrewAttack's website, The video has divided into 2 parts. AVGN was good when James and Mike could wax nostalgic in the scripts about video games they used to play growing up in the 80's. What the fuckin' shit?! So that's it. You exist for one purpose: to reap everything I've sown. (the Nerd puts the game into the Toploader) Oh, no, no, no, there's three games! The Nerd: Those sheep are a bitch to carry, especially if you're trying to get past the lion. Except for those chocolate cats. And why do they turn from white to black? Well, actually, yeah, you would. Anyway, Color Dreams, for whatever reason, decide they wanted to start doing Bible games now under the name Wisdom Tree. Bible Games - Angry Video Game Nerd - Episode 17, Kyle Justin: (To the tune of "Santa Claus is Coming to Town"), ♪ He's playin' some games, the worst he recalls ♪, ♪ He's gonna find out which ones suck the most balls ♪, ♪ Oh, he's makin' a list, and checkin' it twice ♪, ♪ He's gonna go home and eat chicken and rice ♪. OK, there's another one. The only way to have any fun at all is to throw baby Moses in the water, and then go explore the level without him. It's just luck whether you hit them or not. The Nerd: Now that I've wasted my time with all that, let's play Sunday Funday. It's just a puzzle game. (downs a shot) I've been cursed to play your bullshit until the end of time, but thankfully, the end of time is about to come: the year 2020 is upon us! How can such an old man be so strong? The other two games are the same deal. Angry Video Game Nerd Wiki is a FANDOM Movies Community. First let's do Noah's Ark. You grab that... whatever that is, and you knock that motherfucker out. So for every question you answered correctly, you get, what else? Hmmm. That'll send him back! in this case a review of Barbie for the NES. Shit! It's really one of those games where you need a Turbo controller. Mostly because of this shit right here! For Episode 106, the Nerd goes back to games based on the bible. Moses’ mom carrying baby Moses, carrying a block of cheese, carrying a guy carrying a spear? The Nerd: Okay, another rip-off of Super Mario Bros. 2, where you're jumping on logs to get across the waterfall. (Noah throws the block at the pig, knocking it unconscious) Ughhhh! I can't even go in those caves. (the Nerd puts the game back into the Toploader and turns it on) That plays anything. Basically you're exploring a pyramid. Dumb shit. (The springs bounce him back, and he grunts) Awww! Kinda like a reverse Michael Jackson. There's gonna be a flood. And besides the usual rocks and bushes and trees or whatever, they randomly have all these garbage cans placed about. And you know what? The Nerd: First, we have Moses: The Exodus. Also, The Reveal that Board James and the Nerd are one and the same . Or it's like climbing the sky. All those goats want Noah dead. My only guess was it has to do with food and the Bible. While we continue to follow our initial goal, we also try to bring the latest news on gadgets, mobile games, movies and TV shows. ♪ ♪ Oh, he's makin' a list, and checkin' it twice ♪ Kyle Justin: (To the tune of "Santa Claus is Coming to Town") ♪ He's playin' some games, the worst he recalls ♪ ♪ He's gonna find out which ones suck the most balls ♪ ♪ The Angry Video Game Nerd is here. The sound effects are classic. ), The Nerd: Okay, who would've thought this would actually be decent?! Yep, that's it. Why's there so many of them and why do you shoot them with a slingshot? (the Nerd finally did it) Finally! Just look at the title screens. The Nerd: But what's even stranger: this game ("Joshua") was a copy of a game ("Exodus"), which is a copy of another game, Crystal Mines. As people have said, James is more of a movie guy. The Nerd: Later in the game, you get a weapon. Now you're gonna get it. The Nerd: How did this turn into a Bible game?! The idea is to not touch the ones that bounce you down or else you die. Up, down, up, down, down! The most obscured game of the bunch would have to be Super Noah's Ark 3D. 5. Some kind of fireball or something, I don't know. It's just a bunch of karaoke songs. So, just to show you another example, let's take a look at Spiritual Warfare on the Nintendo. Take your favorite fandoms with you and never miss a beat. Other times, the second log shows up, but once you're on it, and expecting the third one, it doesn't come. So have a Happy Holidays, and all that good shit. But I also hate the oxen. I mean, usually, you know how to time your jumps once you see that log come over the waterfall, but sometimes, they just appear at random, which doesn't give you enough time to react. Nobody fucks with him. And when you walk into the next area, the screen moves. Bible Games III. You go down ladders with gray stone walls. Well, it's identical to Menace Beach. That's like if you were playing Monopoly and you put your face up to the game. So, what do you do? I got half of that right. Male Narrator: Moses trusted God. The Nerd: Then there's this Connect the Dots bullshit. (the Nerd puts the game into the Toploader) Wow! A Bible, and then you get a violent picture of somebody being whipped, and then it's on to the next level. A game where you collect a bunch of objects to bring back to the middle of the board? Anubis: (in a labored, monotone voice) I'm an idol worshipped by many. It's pointless because once you're there, you're stuck. But if you find one of them, it doesn't bring you back. Time to flick the shit switch, turn up the diarrhea dial, it's Bible games on CD-i! Anyway, here's some Super Mario Bros outtakes that were just uploaded to Cinemassacre, and none of these are actually on any of the DVDs as far as I know. She says: (girl voice) "I've been here so long my clothes are starting to rot." ("Sunday Funday", "Fishfall", "4Him") Oh, boy. The "Life Lost" music from the game plays as he takes it out. Well, according to this game, he put a whole bunch of goats on there. The Nerd: So now we have yet another game based off of Noah's Ark. It's so annoying! The Nerd: Alright, let's play one more game: King of Kings. It's basically an educational tool with some games thrown in. The first thing you notice is the Sing-Along. And while you're at it, just try to punch that lion in the nuts. It's just like the rock in Friday the 13th, it arcs over everybody you try to hit. Well, here's some hints. Now, there are a few minor differences, but we'll get to them as we go. I kinda like it, but I gotta turn it off before I go insane. First, you have this animated story about Moses. Your obstacles include lizards, a cactus that comes out of the ground, flying rocks, porcupines shooting needles, moving pitfalls, and blocks that come down and stun you. Take your favorite fandoms with you and never miss a beat. YEAH!! But no. It's The Book of Genesis on Sega Genesis. Well, let's try them all. The Nerd: Is that really necessary? But everything else fits perfectly fine. For help, reach us over the phone and via email for the time being. There's one on Game Boy called The King James Bible. Doesn't this look familiar? I'd rather fuck a porcupine and shove a cactus up my ass. Well, check this out. They alternate just to trick you. (The snowman gets his head blown off his body) Yeah, that snowman's dead as shit. I can even pick the lion up and it doesn't care. Oh, fuck! The Nerd: Well, there's only one shitty game left: David and Goliath. ). According to the Bible, Noah puts two of each animal in the ark, right? Bible Games is a holiday special based on the internet series The Angry Video Game Nerd. Oh no, now I gotta go all the way back. Let's check it out. You never know what's going on. Just like in Bible Adventures, the control is really awkward. Noah, man. Well, at least they upped the challenge on those logs, but it's just flat-out annoying. The Nerd: Well, according to the rumor, ID was pissed off that the Super Nintendo version of Wolfenstein was inferior to the PC version, and that Nintendo basically butchered it by turning down the violence, as well as altering other things, so as some sort of joke, or whatever, ID handed the source code over to Wisdom Tree for them to make the mockery which you're looking at now. (In higher-pitched tone) Sheepy, sheepy, sheepy. Awww, God! Maybe ninjas were too violent, and Elvis' devilish rock 'n' roll was too much for a religious game. They're in the manual. So, now I blocked myself from finishing the level, and my only choice now is to reset the game or commit suicide. (turning to the camera) Haven't we played this already? Female Narrator: In the time of Moses, a sacrifice might be an animal like an ox. He hates the games that stink; He knows which games to break. Not as extreme as most instances of Nightmare Fuel, but in the Atari 5200 review, when the Nerd plugs in the system's cord, sparks come flying out, and they weren't faked! (The lion appears to get hit by an acorn) What? You just bring them to the door, and let those bastards run in there. (Makes a silly facial expression.). The Nerd's appearance in Episode 25 of Board James, taking continuous potshots at board games based on video games. The film is being produced outside the studio system, entirely funded by fan donations. Now, why are there quizzes in the middle of this game? That's where this game belongs, in the fuckin' garbage! Seems like I'm runnin' into that problem a lot with games lately. Damn! The Nerd: Well, that's Bible Adventures. But trying to avoid those down springs is almost impossible! DinoMen From D-4 16. When you finish the level, it says, “Good work! (Baby Moses suddenly shoots up above the game) Whoa! The Angry Video Game Nerd is here! In fact, it is Wolfenstein 3D. It's supposed to be food, I guess, but why does it put the animals to sleep? Please, somebody tell me. (he jumps into the sea) Here's the problem, this little ledge shouldn't be here! 0:44. (inserts the CD into the CD-i) More like livin' on a prayer! Wisdom Tree said: "Let there be shit!" That's made by a Christian gaming company that makes unauthorized Nintendo games? Now, let's back up a bit. It doesn't help either that there's all these rocks coming down. (Music from the game plays) Wow, that's great. The Nerd: Also, there's hidden bonus stages. The Nerd: So, as we've seen, every one of these Bible games rips off something. Grabbing them's out of the question, so let's pick up that... thing and try and knock them out. With its weird baby-blue cartridge? The Nerd: Oh, this is so monotonous. Sure, try that in real life. +20 minutes is mad off. But it sucks. I was trying to get the wrong snakes, but how could you blame me? Only cause it's the only first person shooter where you get to play as Noah. How could it get any worse? The Nerd: Those lions are fucking wusses. Right off the bat, what does this game look like? But, just for one final kick in the balls, it throws all these other logs down to make you think you can salvage it and jump your way back to safety to try again. With James Rolfe, Kyle Justin. I'm just making this up, but let's move on to Super Nintendo and check out this game that I'm actually not making up. It clobbers the lion. Well, it was only released in Europe, which means it's in the PAL format and it can't be played on any North American NES, unless you have the Toploader. Too bad I can't jump high enough. Just keep them the same! Featuring: Bible Adventures (NES, Wisdom Tree, 1991) Bible Buffet (NES, Wisdom Tree, 1993) Super Noah's Ark 3D (SNES, Wisdom Tree, 1994) Spiritual Warfare (NES, Wisdom Tree, 1992) King of Kings (NES, Wisdom Tree, 1991) Originally aired: 22nd of December, 2006 - ScrewAttack.com. The Nerd: Oh, no. Did you see that? You'd rather listen to your only infant child puking to death, that is choking on his own puke chunks. If you miss the dot, you get this irritating voice. What's that? He moves pretty fast for an old guy. What good is a weapon that doesn't go straight? The Nerd: I'm surprised, this game is actually really hard. The Nerd: So then I get back out. It-it's a board game? I'd rather slurp crap oozing out of a warthog's anus hole. The Nerd: Alright, well, I think I'm done. But no. Angry Video Game Nerd I & II Deluxe - Tráiler (2) Let's get it over with. Well, guess what? Like it deliberately dodges your target. I got somethin' to blow the lid off the crap barrel. I mean, look at all the stuff that's trying to kill me. It doesn't even slow him down. You have to keep hitting the switches to keep the room bright. That lion hates sheep and anybody who carries sheep. I can't even see what you're supposed to be shooting at them anyway. This is a weird game. But the funny thing is that it's a strangely effective way to get you to play the game because just for curiosity's sake, it makes you wonder: how much of her clothes are going to come off? All I 'm still trying to do a Bible riddle but that makes it clear he. Of conspiracy going on with the colors in the water ”, and I ca even. What you 're Joshua, I 'd rather fuck a porcupine and shove a up. A bird come out every time you kill your enemies, a devil! 'M stuck, I think she would die of starvation before her clothes rot! Throw 'em up into a floating basket I kinda like it, 's... Game Nerd - Episode 17 some games thrown in go all the can. Yet another game based off of Noah 's Ark in 2011 the is... 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